California Bound!

This time next week I'll be in California. I'm so excited, nervous and worried at the same time. I've decided that I'm going to try to focus my efforts on getting into the game industry. I've been thinking about trying to find an IT job which is great and all. They pay good money often times for reasonable companies, the issue is that I just don't like the work. Its boring and repetitive and I have to deal with the most untech savvy people ever.

Now, I know what you're going to say. Almost all work is boring and repetitive. Especially if I'm looking to start at the bottom and land a terrible paying QA job and attempt to work my way up from there. This is what I want to do with my life.

I'm tired and grumpy.

My Moms birthday is coming up and that explains why I've been in a weird mood lately. I don't know if I should pay homage and respect to her or if thats a bad way of hanging onto the past and not  "letting go." Part of me doesn't want to let go. I don't want to forget my mother. She was a great impact and infulence in my life. It was because of her wisdom and guidance I became the person I am today, well along with a little smoothing out for the world.

I promised my mother I would graduate college I still plan on doing it. Though it seems like no matter what I do or how hard I try I'm being thrown a bunch of curveballs that stops me from being able to complete that goal. I haven't given up on it yet. Though I feel like I should. Everyone I talk to tells me that ultimately college is a waste of time and money though surprisingly that is something that comes from people who've been through college. Should I listen to them and take their opinions to heart and just save the money and move on to something else? I mean I'd be investing quite a bit of money (which I dont have) and time (which I guess I have a lot of) but I'd be breaking a promise I made to my mother.

I wonder if my mom is proud of me or rather if she would be proud of me where I am. I have a car, I have a job, I have someone in my life that I care deeply about to the point where I'd move to the ends of the earth as long as I got to keep them in my life. However I don't have the best job or the best car. I'm working a job that keeps me in a constant state of ennui and pays me just enough so I can put a little away and continue to get to work which is pretty bad but I guess its life.

Nonsencial semi-exhausted ramblings. I'm sure I'll be back later.

I think too much.

Deep down inside I feel like I'm going to screw up a good thing because I can't stop thinking about all of the negatives and not focus on the positives. I tried being positive it's just not who I am.

SIDOFJsidfjagjg.

I wish I had all the answers and everything had nice little neat boxes they can go into so I can make life work for me. It doesn't work that way.

Oh right.. this is a thing.

I didn't forget (I totally forgot)

Updates coming soon.

Not dead.

Hooray.